THE QUEEN IS DEAD! THE QUEEN IS DEAD!
We all knew that deep down inside, there was a part of Colton that wasn’t all bad, that knew he was being a horrible, spoiled, racist brat. Who knew that part of Colton would turn out to be his Appendix? Kudos Colton’s Appendix, you blindsided us all. Why there is no @ColtonsAppendix on twitter yet is beyond me!
Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy I tell ya. Colton went out there not just to play Survivor but to be a character, much like previous players who failed to win such as Coach and Russell. He succeeded of course, we all know who Colton is and will remember him, but at what price? There isn’t one person besides his family who thinks he presented himself well and even they must question some of the comments he was making. To the point Twitter was abuzz with comments about Karma and such. When you see somebody suffering in EXTREME pain and the first thought is “KARMA!” then yes, this person came across like a total shit.
Now, as always I must mention that we are watching highly edited characters where days upon days are boiled down to 44 minutes sans commercials. Colton showed he was also capable of being quite charming and I’m certain there is footage of this out there but it simply was not the narrative Editorial wanted to show and certainly not an edit we would have appreciated given he left the game so soon.
So yes, Survivor will give you the edit you deserve based on what story they are trying to tell and in this case, I do fully believe Survivor Editorial knew they lost a great TV character but had enough footage to give Colton a very unique edit: The Karma Edit! Trust me, they absolutely wanted us to make the leap to “he had it coming for being so horrible”. Colton had given them the material, they took it and ran with it, I don’t blame them in the least. It was amusing and crazy to watch!
Colton was shooting his mouth off about “throw yourself in a fire if you want to leave the show”. I noticed a few people on Twitter failed to understand that this was a (mean spirited) homage to Season 2 (Outback) contestant Michael Skupin who had overworked himself and became the first person medically removed from Survivor when he inhaled too much campfire smoke and fell face and hands first into the fire. Appreciated the homage, had to wonder why he was being such a prick to Christina even if she was next to go.
Which brings me to Colton’s SECOND homage of the episode, the shout out to Shii Ann Huang from Survivor: Thailand! Not that anybody directly referenced Shii Ann or anything but Alicia and Colton’s treatment of Christina reminded me way too much of how the Sook Jai tribe treated Shii Ann. In this case I can’t say it’s directly related to culture the way it was with Shii Ann, such as that sequence where Sook Jai is eating fish and Shii Ann eats the eyeballs, which is absolutely common in Asian cultures (and making headway here in the U.S.) but still, that sense of “you don’t matter, you are gone first” was so similar. Even Survivor hated the way Shii Ann was treated, I mean why do you think they brought her back for All Stars vs, say, Clay or Jake or Helen? Anyway, had to throw that out there since it’s what ran across my mind.
Colton was a great character for TV and especially Survivor. The kind of person you love to second guess but must give credit to for having control. Now mind you, as an evacuee, he was no Russell Swan. Everybody remember Russell Swan? I sure do. Physical beast, smart guy, great leader, had his team up what, 9-4 or something when he was removed from game? Worked himself too hard and a damn shame he had to go but THAT was a leader. The Russell who had a strong tribe with many numbers. Proof is in the pudding, the second he left the game, the other Russell in that season, Mr. Hantz, took over. I don’t see anybody filling that spot now that Colton is gone unless Jonas actually has a plan or Alicia suddenly manifests some semblance of a game.
Thus ends the Colton Cumbie show. My “Survivor Colton Cumbie DIES” video will be up this weekend on YouTube!
Alicia…wow! Probst cannot STAND her! He calls her out literally every chance he gets and no small wonder, she does not come across well. This is a Special Education teacher spouting constantly about wanting to punch and smash other people, running at the mouth at pulling the “best blindside ever” when it’s the 5th boot of season 24 we’re discussing, so methinks Probst thinks Alicia is all talk and no game, which she very well may be. Certainly a hard person to like and root for.
Which brings me to Kat’s totally bizarre dream and commentary. I’m not wholly certain why they included that bit and I’m of 2 minds: One, Alicia and Kat get into it and one causes the other to go home or TWO, this was a part of Kat’s “Young, Wild and Free”/”Fabio the Idiot King” edit. Note how clueless she was when people were discussing having their Appendix removed. It was as if she’d never even heard of this body part so that coupled with her dreaming about The Mall makes me think this was just editorial showing us just how young and out of touch Kat is to many things in the world. Of all places to have your dream, it’s in The Mall? It was so very Middle Class White Girl of her and her dreaming brain.
I’ll knock out the next bit here by listing those I am unimpressed with:
Leif – who is Leif? What are his thoughts? We have no idea and there is a reason he gets no edit.
Tarzan – crusty, funky old man who shoots his mouth off but that’s about it
Mike – Where did the amusing guy go? Boring episode for Mike.
Alicia – big mouth, not much game, Probst hates her
Jay – okay player, maybe even decent but really, what has he done that’s all that impressive? Nada. I mean sure he’s kept his head in the game and what not but the only “moves” he made were not being Matt, Bill or Leif and making an alliance that he is at the bottom of with TroyZan, Kim and Chelsea.
Jonas – a very middling player getting a very middling edit. Classic case where many people are reading too much into his edit when what I’m seeing is a guy without much of a plan who held “power” for exactly one day, a power he never got to use.
I will now list the players I’m not certain of:
Christina was certain to go next, but she kept playing (or trying to play), she ate all the insults and tried to flip things on Alicia. Had they gone to Tribal Council and voted somebody out, guess who stays? Yes, that’s right, Christina! So considering she’s played a fairly poor social game up to this juncture one had to be impressed with her fortitude. Inner strength can go a LONG way in this game. I just can’t help shake the feeling that Colton was right, that she is and will always be an easy target. We’ll see.
Kat has entered into a strange midground, somewhere between the useless players listed above and the mack daddy players listed below. She certainly gets enough face time even if half of it is her reacting to things she seemingly does not understand. Like I said, Young, Wild and Free edit. I just can’t get over the Fabio reference. Fabio was a dumbass, painful to watch on TV but he did win Nicaragua so there is that chance she makes it to the end and wins over bitter jurors. I just don’t know! She’s cool on Twitter so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she makes at least F7.
And like that we’re down to the real players of this season and I only had to discount all the men other than…
TroyZan! Doing his part to save the Island jungle and all its creatures from the likes of those who would try to usurp TroyZan and his tribe. Note, there have now been two occasions where Editorial has chosen to show TroyZan making comments about whose island it is. First in episode one with regards to Tarzan and this episode when he taunts the losing tribe. Curious if this means anything since there have been plenty of pretenders to the crown who have claimed it was their Island, their beach, their adventure.
Listen it’s only YOURS if you WIN. Period, amen.
And onto the Big Three!
Chelsea has the right alliance it seems. Not certain how this pans out with a 6-6 split between men and women but no way in hell Chelsea goes next. She seems to be Kim’s right hand and in a lot of people’s eyes, she is #2 in the list of surefire winners next to Kim. Not a lot to go on this episode.
Kim is getting a winner’s edit. Not sure what else needs to be added to that but it’s true. She kicks major ass in challenges, she makes smart alliances, she holds and idol only she and Chelsea know about. She is getting the best edit of anybody out there other than maybe Sabrina. Still the general consensus choice to win Survivor One World.
Sabrina is my personal favorite due to point of origin, the greatest city in the Universe, New York. She was nominted leader which in Survivor often translates to “death” but yet she’s made it through. I just feel like she would be SUCH a great choice to win that she will be taken out before the Final Three. I sure hope not but you cannot let somebody this good to the end unless you feel the jury will be bitter and in this weird season, who knows?
But that’s the Big Three with TroyZan as the best player overall from the guy’s tribe.
Strategically not a lot to say about an episode where the theme is “Player removed from game/Tribes merge”.
Colton, your horrible commentary will be missed but probably not that much. You are not bigger than the show and you certainly were no Richard Hatch. You know, the guy who won and wasn’t betrayed by his own internal organs? Yeah, that guy.
Any snide comments regarding Hatch on All Stars can be answered with this: how, pray tell, did Mogo-Mogo fare AFTER they voted out Hatch? Rhetorical.
So on to the merged tribes we go, see if this is a 6-6 split between men and women or find out who wants to flip on who. Alicia and Tarzan would be my first targets out there. Who knows? Surely not I, which is why I keep watching.
Now suddenly pressed for time I will just throw up the usual links sans witty comments. Apologies in advance!
http://survivorsuperfancast.com <— Tim Lamaster’s podcast! Well that’s what he always calls it on Twitter, apparently forgetting about yours truly!