STOP CASTING TEENAGERS!
Not understanding why competitive reality competitions don’t understand this, but teenagers have no social game. Spencer, Natalie, now Brandon, all horrible Reality TV personalities and this is wholly because of their age. Maybe with a couple more years Natalie learns how to be more like Parvati (social game), maybe Spencer doesn’t roll over and get voted out because he had one bad challenge and maybe, just maybe, Brandon with a few more years is able to cope with things like “I love my wife but find this woman to be attractive”. Instead we are getting the most uncomfortable edit maybe ever on this show. The closest edit to this I can remember is Matthew from Amazon and his “creepy” edit (or kweepy to be specific since it was a deaf girl who said it).
Thus: STOP CASTING TEENAGERS!
I really fail to comprehend the logic behind putting people on reality tv who were just in high school. Maybe this works for other shows but it most assuredly has been EPIC FAIL for Survivor casting. Survivor casting can be full of fail, we all know this, but this season they’ve done really well for themselves so it truly bugs me that, Hantz or no Hantz, they cast some 19 year old kid and expected him to be good television. At least they’ve gotten the “Creepy Stalker” edit out of him which has given them some form of plotline for a tribe that seems to lack a decent story. Last season, Russell’s tribe sucked but at least the narrative of them ditching Russell and how that came back to bite them was interesting. Watching Brandon lusting after Mikayla and dealing with it via creepy confessional statements and trying to vote out your strongest female has been horribly wretched TV.
Mind you, this is NOT the Bad Guy Edit! Russell asked for and got such an edit, which essentially carried Survivor: Samoa. I know editorial is pushing this whole “Good vs Evil” crap like being a Hantz is an automatic struggle between trying to be a good person despite the inherently evil nature. Maybe Middle America likes this crap, but it annoys me. I just can’t believe we’re still talking about Russell and Parvati in season 23 where neither is on the damn season!
Gotta give it up though, the greatest quote of the episode…
Brandon – “Parvati has screwed a LOT of men”
Coach (snickering) – “You got that right”
I love Survivor Production, they really manage to always capture the good stuff and this was laugh out loud good.
What it also told me was that Brandon had some teenage fantasies about Parvati he never really came to terms with and he clearly doesn’t know how to deal with being attracted to Mikayla, as if it’s HER fault that Brandon wants to fuck her? Weird. One more time: STOP CASTING TEENAGERS!
Okay, I think that point has been made!
This episode furthers my belief that this will be a really good season based solely on the cast. Decent personalities on both tribes, some very easy to like people.
Savaii has a couple of my early on faves, and they are possibly early on faves because editorial has featured them so heavily, but loving Medical Marijuana Jim, the cocky poker player who thinks he’s in more control than he really is, but what an awesome quote about being the least cool kid at the cool kid’s table! I really loved that quote, showed a decent sense of self awareness despite his edit being “cocky guy who isn’t in control the way he thinks he is”. Jim is a keeper, good on camera, good with the quotes. Sadly, he isn’t down with…
Cochran! Who doesn’t love our current Nerd King? I don’t know if I would necessarily have talked openly about my mommy not allowing me to use a machete (doesn’t his mom know you HAVE to use a machete?) but it was still cute and hell, dude made it through another episode! I know I like a character when they are in danger and I am rooting passionately for their tribe to win just so I can get one more episode out of them. Hey, I’m a Survivor geek, I played 13 reality tv based competitive games online and won 6, mainly because I obsessed over stats and online game challenges are heavy on stats and puzzles. How could I not root for a True Fan? My only qualm with Cochran is, again, why didn’t he get into Survivor shape if he knew he was going on Survivor? Then again maybe if he does, they don’t cast him? I am 100% certain his pale, translucent skin was a major factor, fish out of water and such. Plus, the man gave me inspiration for my first Youtube video of the season, which I’m thankful for. Not one moment in Survivor: Nicaragua inspired me so it isn’t a safe bet.
Ozzy is uninspiring as always, probably not helped by the fact that he seems stoned in every confessional. Very mellow, laid back delivery which makes moments like him finding the idol totally underwhelming. I had to think back to Boston Rob last season and mentally compare and yes, Ozzy finding the idol was nowhere as hyped and awesome as Boston Rob. Kind of Deja Vu actually watching Ozzy/Keith doing an homage to Boston Rob and Grant. Hey at least Keith Tollefson has already gotten 10x more face time than Grant did for half of last season and it was kind of funny when Jim is talking himself up and Keith is essentially saying “nice Jim thinks so highly of himself but we already thought of this, way ahead of the game buddy”.
Where did Papa Bear go, btw? He was featured so heavily episode 1 and featured in the Previously On segment, I actually expected to, you know, hear something from him? Not so, very quiet episode for Papa Bear. Shame, dude has a very engaging personality.
The girls on this tribe…well, they are getting the typical misogynistic Survivor edit meaning seen but not heard. Here is what we know thus far: Semhar booted before she could make any little Ozzlettes. Crying Lady, Dawn, totally vanished from the edit. Probably a good thing for her though I can’t see her being long for this game. Elise is still getting the confusing “Native American Ancestors” edit. What I mean by that is all we know of this girl is that she’s part Native American and like Matt last season with God, thinks her dead ancestors give a shit about her winning some gameshow. Then again, maybe they do?! That would be hilarious, if suddenly Elise developed awesome skills in the wild and went on to destroy everybody and win Survivor. Doubt it happens but it would be funny. Also, I’m told there is a “Whitney” on this show. I require evidence of this however before I’m willing to write about this supposed contstant, but hey thankfully Survivor has managed to completely ignore a contestant for 2 straight episodes!
In Coachland, they finally figured out in Editorial that we’d rather see Ben Wade than the bullshit they put us through in Tocantins. I really can’t stand that they forced Coachbag down our throats that season with the RIDICULOUS special effects and over the top lies/quotes. Very bad TV character, universally hated. Coach in his next season was a bit better and now we’re getting the real Ben Wade, decent guy, wears his heart on his sleeve, is willing to help out a young dude he thinks of as his buddy and ally. Not inspiring but not totally horrible either. Coach v 3.0, whatever, but I rather like Ben Wade this season.
The other Coach, Albert, looks to be another keeper. He didn’t get a lot of edit/face time in Episode one but in Episode 2, suddenly there is Albert making sense, and dropping words of greatness. He really made that Tribal Council for me and I, like a lot of people, think Albert may just go damn far in this game if not outright win it all. Of course, we could also witness a Zapatera like collapse invalidating all of this but so far so good for the 2nd Coach of the season.
The girls on this tribe >>>>>>>>>> the girls supposedly on the other tribe. Sophie is sharp, I really like her so far. Mikayla is funny with her tomboy edit, completely unaware that Brandon is having sex fantasies about her and trying to get her voted out. Thankfully nobody on the tribe fell for the “vote out the strongest female first” strategy. Geez, talk about STUPID! Folks…you don’t ditch your strongest female just because some kid wants to have his way with her and thank goodness they didn’t listen for one second to Brandon’s insanity.
Stacey was cracking me up at Tribal with her sound effects. She says “BOOM” I say “MORE!” She told them how it was, straight up, and while it may cost her the game it certainly made me like her straight shooting ways. Just too bad she allied with Christine who sucked. Didn’t shock me as many people from Long Island believe they need to be rude assholes and Christine came off like a rude asshole.
Listen – you don’t have to like the returning players in person or concept but what you DON’T DO is insult them the second they hit the damn beach! When she was doing the whole make fun of Coach thing I was thinking “first boot from her tribe”. Even if they don’t like Coach, you just made yourself out to be a rude asshole like all the rude assholes on Long Island. Not to say being from Long Island makes you a rude asshole just saying a lot of them live there. They took the worst of Queens and Brooklyn with them when they fled the city.
Then there is Edna. Poor Edna with her strange visor crafted out of tree mail which made her look so…I dunno, I just want to defend her like a little sister or something! She seems so nice, so sweet, so NOT cut out for the social aspect of Survivor! Her lying to Christine and Stacey was hilarious as she was SO BAD at it that I was hoping she was faking so people would think she was incapable of lying. I doubt it, as it was likely her just getting really nervous before Tribal, but still it was kind of charming! Her bad lying, side alliance with Coach, goofy Tree Mail inspired visor, this lady is ok in my book, kind of goofy in a very genuine manner. What’s not to like?
All in all another strong episode despite the waste of time that is Brandon Hantz’s edit. We don’t need stupid cheesy VFX to make Coach a character, just show us the game. Ozzy not being the focus of his tribe the way Boston Rob was on his last season which is a GOOD THING! I want to see these people and not just one guy with a bunch of lackeys. While they have managed to completely ignore Whitney, they have managed to show just about everybody else which is saying a lot for this show, 2 episodes in and I remember all the names without having to google.
We could even do without the ridiculous twists and just run the seasons with regular contestants so long as they cast strong characters. Amusingly, the Hantz on this season is NOT amusing, he’s just an uncomfortable to watch teenager who should be slinging burgers or in college or helping Russell with the family business. Ozzy and Coach are WAY less inspiring than Boston Rob or Russell, but again this is a GOOD thing, I like getting to know the cast before they get voted out!
S23, looking good thus far, just please please please keep Cochran and Mikayla in the game just a little bit longer. I have a soft side for Geeks and Tomboys, what can I say?
As always, THANKS FOR READING the thoughts of a TRUE FAN!